Wednesday, January 28, 2009

I did the best for me and my family at this moment.

I decided to drop all my classes. Why? Well, the simple truth is that I was getting too stressed out (I can't handle stress at all) and I was neglecting my relationship with Jared and Mario. I was taking two difficult classes, plus I have a time consuming calling (Relief Society president). I was feeling depressed, crying all the time and miserable.
I was doing pretty good in my psychology 240 class but my heart broke each time that I needed to put Mario away even though he wanted to play with me because I had to study 40 pages of psychology for each chapter. How sad I was, I'm not doing what I wanted to do. I want to spend time with Mario and see all the amazing things that he can do for the first time, I want to be a cool wife/lover/girlfriend to Jared, I want to learn french and learn how to sew dresses, plus walk 3 miles a day to look the way I want; I want to be able to go to the temple more often, to spend time with family and friends without having to worry about how much homework I need to do for the next chapter, and have more chances to do service because I really feel that service is one of the things that fulfills me.
Family suggested that I should drop the classes, but I didn't want to be perceived as a quitter. Well, I'm not a quitter but when you see your hair falling out like if I was getting ready to be bald it's time to stop and start prioritizing. Some people will think that it's nothing, but for me it is. I have the opportunity to do what I want and I will take advantage of that. To be able to give love to others I need to love myself first, a difficult lesson to learn for me. I want to be a better wife, mom, daughter, and friend and I need to remember more often why am I here? What is my MAIN purpose in life? I don't care anymore about all the negative input that people will give me. I'm working to be happy and I will do it because I finally understand.